WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Part 1

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I swore I wouldn't ask kids that question, but I do anyway. I wanted to avoid it because it always hints at something like:"Right now you're just a kid of no particular significance. How are you going to transform yourself into a useful, productive member of society?" I suspect adults ask kids this question (followed quickly by, "What is you favorite subject in school?") because we can't think of anything to talk about to younger people. We don't know their world at all, so we try to drag them into our world to find a subject to talk about. I have tried to put find out what the younger people around me are interested in so I can converse with them intelligently. As a result I have had to study up on musical theatre and Japanese anime and skateboarding, but I absolutely refuse to immerse myself in "gangsta rap." What little I understand is disgusting.

Adults talk about jobs because they are so identified with them. Ask an adult who they are and they will give their name. Ask them to say a little more, and they will tell you what kind of work they do or what they did before they retired. As I have mentioned before, it becomes a problem when you are so tied to your job that who you are is defined primarily in those terms. Nevertheless, we can't escape the reality that one's job is a major aspect of their life.

What do you want to be when you grow up? My first choice among future occupations was to be a farmer. Of course, growing up in the city, I had no real understanding of farming other than growing carrots and radishes in the backyard garden. In Chicago we had farm animals in the zoo so we city kids would know a moo-cow from a horsie. I don't know what attracted me to the idea of farming. For several years I had a huge book on agriculture that someone gave been that was far beyond my reading level, but which I poured over. I guess I was more of a theoretician farmer than a practical one.

Farming proved to be a passing fancy. By the time I was nine I was enamored of the sciences. I had a chemistry set in the basement. I experimented with electrical circuits. I studied grasshoppers and dinosaurs. The really great attraction was astronomy and space exploration. This was the time in history when the U.S. was launching the first satellite–the Vanguard, several of which blew up on the launching pad before they ever got one in orbit. There was a joke at the time that went: Q: How do they count at Cape Canaveral? A: Five-four-three-two-one-aw nuts. Science intrigued me. I entered the school science fair and got to the district fair twice.I worked my way through a college level book on physics once, but you couldn't have told that from my grades. I actually got an "U" (for unsatisfactory) in science twice in sixth-grade. Well, the way they taught science (and almost everything else) was b-o-r-i-n-g. With all the stupid busywork, they could make the most exciting subject a bore. The one exception was Mrs. S, my fourth grade teacher. She knew how to make subjects interesting,

In eighth-grade we had a unit on vocations as part of civics. I think we made posters and stuff. I don't recall it being much help in making a decision about what to do in life. This was also a year we took Stamford achievement tests. I recall being a few months behind grade level in arithmetic. I was probably just about average on most stuff. This was also when decisions were made about high school, at least for boys. Girls all went to Lakeview, I think. Well, I believe a girl could choose the all girls school Lucy Flower, but that was considered some sort of punishment rather than a privilege. Boys also went to Lakeview except for the select handful that would go to Albert G. Lane Technical School. The school was just what the name indicated–a tech school to train people in various things like carpentry, drafting, and so forth. But the school had transformed over the years into a school that emphasized the sciences as well. It was the only school where you could take four years of math AND four years of science. Since this was the school both my father and my uncle had attended, it was just assumed I would go there as well. The guidance counselor from Lane wasn't so sure that my grades were performance was good enough to go to Lane. Tragedy was in the offing, but not quite the rejection I expected. Only at the interview with the counselor did I discover that Lane had a music program as well as a tech program. Had I known ahead of time, had I had my ducks in a row, I certainly would have asked to be in the music program. Scientist or no scientist, studying music theory had far greater appeal to me than drafting since I couldn't even draw a straight line with a ruler. I did indeed receive acceptance to Lane in the Tech program. And I would come to flunk a course in foundry. The fault was my own, but part of me resents that no teacher in that foundry course showed enough concern about my poor performance even to inquire what the difficulty might be let alone try to help me. And the greater tragedy was that because of bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo the, only way to make up the one credit in shop was by taking TWO additional shop courses in my senior year. It's amazing how little the real needs of students are ever considered by the education industry.

Anyway, despite getting into the school by the skin of my teeth, I was about to have a triumph over the limited vision of these so-called educators. Those admitted to the school took a science placement exam to see if they could skip the required course in general science and begin with biology instead. I placed out of general science all right. My score was 99+ indicating I was proficient beyond the level the test could measure. Ha!

So I pursued the math and sciences. Algebra was a struggle, but I was outstanding in geometry. I was somewhat better than average in biology, so-so in chemistry, and really good in physics which was my real love. And then I made a mistake. While still a junior I was offered the chance to do a summer program at the Illinois Institute of Technology, one of the most prestigious engineering schools in the country. I turned it down because I was already going to take history in summer school. My interests were beginning to shift. The possibility of teach math began to develop in my little brain. Why not, I thought. Then came the set back of a C in advanced algebra. End of that possibility.

A pattern emerged in my life that still plagues me. Although I am certainly not a perfectionist, there is a streak in me that says you have to be really good at whatever you do, or it's not worth doing. A merely average grade in a math course meant that career path was out. Since in my evaluation nothing I do rises above the level of just passable, I have never been a self promoter. So what was I to do?

To be continued next week.

May the Lord God bless you on your way and greet you on your arrival.

Wayne