OY!

Li'l Abner had a character Joe Btfsplk. He was a jinx. I'm pretty sure he's somewhere very close to me. Nothing else could explain the unfortunate series of events that has plagued me. Of course these are all minor events. Nothing like the 35% loss in my pension fund, but still . . .


My faithful readers are aware that our church has been having an ongoing battle with some very nasty squirrels. Well, one of my great fears has become a reality. One of the little buggers has croaked somewhere in the wall or ceiling of the sanctuary. The unforgettable odor of decaying squirrel is apparent upon entering the church. It is only noticeable near the entrance, so I'll leave the doors open to air the place out, but I recall all too well the incident of the snake who moved in last time a door was left open.


The computer network at the church has misbehaving as usual. When we first installed it, nothing would make it work, so we gave up. Then one day it started working all by itself. As soon as I got used to using it, it stopped working again. Then a few weeks later started again. Then stopped. Then started. It's working at the moment, but it seems to have taught bad habits to the computer brain in our copier. I was trying to make a copy of a hymn. I placed the original on the glass, pressed start, and it printed the hymn the sideways on the paper. I thought to myself, "Since this device isn't musical, it probably doesn't know it's printed it wrong. I'll just tell it to position the paper 8 1/2 X 11." I did so, pressed start, and the copy came out sideways. "Silly me," I thought. "I should have told it 11 X 81/2. I changed the setting and again it came out sideways. I pushed more buttons and it printed sideways on an 8 1/2 X 14 piece of paper. After many more wrong copies, I tricked it into thinking the original was twice as big as it was, and it worked properly, but probably cost us $1.19 for the wasted paper and copies.


My key broke off in the lock at the church today. Fortunately, I have a key for the side door, so I could get inside, get a tool box, take out the broken key and get on with business. I really hated to lose that key, because it was the only one we had that actually worked everywhere it was supposed to work. We have four locks that are supposed to be keyed alike, and some of the older keys work in all four locks. Some of newer keys work in all four locks if you jiggle them a little and some only work in two of the locks. Don't tell me to get a locksmith in. The last time they made keys for us, half the keys wouldn't work in any lock. I have one of the sort-of-working keys, so I can still get in to the church, but I am going to have to ask around until I find someone with a proper key so I can have duplicates made and then see what works.

I really need somewhere with a good lock to store dried palms. It is the custom in our church to distribute ashes on people's foreheads on Ash Wednesday (February 25). Traditionally the ashes are made by burning the palms from the previous year's Palm Sunday. Now the Palms always have to be dried before being stored away or they get moldy. I spread them out on a table to dry, and some years someone throws them away. I put out notes telling people to leave their hands off the palms, so I have been able to dry and store them. I put them in a plastic bag, label them "Palms. Do not discard." Every year for the past three years someone has found the bag and thrown the palms away. It doesn't matter where I hide them, someone gets them and tosses them when I'm not watching. So I was out in the rain cutting palms today hoping they'll dry enough to burn for Ash Wednesday.


Back on the home front, you know I have been getting grief from various electronic devices. The phone and answering machine have been replaced and are working fairly well, though the time stamp on the message recorder is always wrong even though it is right on the display. I replaced the clock radio that had numbers that didn't display correctly and an alarm that wouldn't work. My new clock has nice BIG numbers I can read without my glasses. The radio part, however, sounds terrible, worse than the old crystal radio I built from a kit years ago. I dug the old clock-radio out of the trash so I could have something that sounded better. I bought one of those gadgets so I can see the new digital TV and as I had feared I have gone from two and one-half stations to one. Unfortunately the one remaining station is FOX with its Unfair and Out of Balance news department. Well. I never watch TV news anyway. I read newspapers and magazines and listen to NPR.


I had a lamp fall apart yesterday. It's one that has been in the family for over 60 years. I have rewired it several times. It just needed a new socket for the light bulb. I notice that every time I buy a socket, it costs more than the last one, but it's more cheaply made. I really should replace the toaster because either the bread doesn't brown at all, or it turns into charcoal. And there is this loose heating element in it that burns a hole right straight through the slice of bread.


When I got back in my car after buying the lamp socket, a tiny wrench lit up on the dash board. I think it means the oil has to be changed, but I can never be sure, so it's going in to the shop before I have to make a trip to Orlando next week. I arrived home to get the mail. There's something from Office Depot that has cards you punch out for discounts, only someone had already punched out one of the cards. There's a little note from the carrier that says "Received without contents R27." I don't know why the New-Nity States Mail is going to raise the price of stamps by 2 cents when they can just steal whatever they need right from your mail. Oh, and I just discovered the P.O. has taken out all the stamp vending machines so you can't buy stamps without standing in line, and you can't buy them at all after hours. That's real service for you. Seesh!


The good news this week is that on the way back from my opthamologist, I found gourmet-type grocery store that carries Twinings Gunpowder Green Tea at not too much of a markup. And they have a relatively inexpensive Scottish Breakfast tea from Taylor of Harrogate. Nothing like a nice cupa tea to make you forget squirrel corpses.


May the Lord bless you on your journey and greet you on your arrival.


Wayne









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